-According to Jim is NOT funny. Oh ho ho, you experience troublesome situations with your wife, sister-in-law, brother-and-law, and children. *yawn*
-This may be shallow, but since the show sucks they could at least have someone DECENT to look at while staring blankly at the screen because there's NOTHING ELSE on TV at the time. I mean, you've got fat balding Jim, super-fat Andy, Jim's average-looking wife and her also-average-looking sister.
-The children are extremely annoying. Whichever one is the little destructive and stubborn girl, Ruby or Gracie, I don't know. But she needs a good old-fashioned whipping.
-Yes, Jim's brother John was a successful comedian. That does NOT mean that it runs in the family!
2. David Caruso
-Toooooo many CSIs on TV nowadays. It's always the same situations, but in different cities with different casts. WE GET IT.
-The sunglasses. Always with the sunglasses. I feel a strike of fury when he takes his sunglasses off, stares, says his lame little one-liner, and walks away. Someone should just go up to him and stomp on his sunglasses and say: "NO! NO! NO!"
-The head tilt. The way he stares and/or talks to people with his head tilted to one side makes me want to shove a broomstick up his ass.
-He's a terrible actor and has WAY too much self-confidence in his sex appeal (which is quite lacking). He has a greasy old-baby face that fills me with stomach-hurt.
1. Nicolas Cage
I had to save the worst for last. I hate Nicolas Cage with a fiery passion.
-He has ONE expression. Whether it's a serious, humorous, infuriating, depressing, sad, or sweet moment, his face remains unchanged from that STUPID puppy-dog look of confusion. Sometimes that expression will, say, distort into a smile that may be mistaken for a grimace, but otherwise his face will remain the same.
Sad Nic Cage... :|
Angry Nic Cage... :|
Happy Nic Cage... :|
Loving Nic Cage...:|
-His voice is monotone and robotic. Sometimes he'll scream randomly in the scene, but otherwise his voice remains expressionless.
-The way he looks just pisses me off. He looks like a burlap sack with a comb-over. His face is greasy, rubbery, droopy, and seems to have the texture of barf. His watery blue eyes and receding hairline make me want to throw up. I simply cannot fathom how he gets cast as a desirable man in movies. I feel quite sorry for any unfortunate actress that gets cast to play his love interest.
-He claims to have changed his name from Coppola to Cage to not gain popularity through his uncle. Funny to me that it's common knowledge what family is from, and that he didn't bother to change it until he had already been cast in a good few many movies. Asshole, stop trying to look modest and cool.
-He keeps getting hit with lawsuits left and right. If he wasn't such a selfish, loathesome douchebag, that probably wouldn't happen.
-Instead of, say, donating to charities or helping people who need it, he chooses to be a greedy, money-hungry, selfish dickhole. Really, Dickolas? Do you really need a jet, two yachts, three castles, two islands, fifty sports cars, multiple mansions, and a freaking dinosaur skull? Leave that stuff for people that others can stand to look at without vomiting. Consider donating to charities every once in a while.
-Some will claim that some of his movies were actually decent. Think back to those movies. Now think about those movies with a different lead actor in place of Cage, and tell me that the movie would not have been one-hundred times better with someone else. QUIT STEALING GOOD ROLES, DICKOLAS! You just ruin the movie!
I leave you with multiple pictures of Nicolas Cage doing the exact same expression. He changes his hairstyles more than he changes his face.
NOTE: When viewing these photos, be in close range of a toilet.
Bonus: Ridiculous clips of Cage's awful acting!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3Z9lopoH7Qw&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zwXI-POIIto
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